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Dogwarts
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Latest revision as of 18:28, 10 February 2026

This article is satirical and should be viewed as such. It's contents should not be taken as fact.

Dogwarts NSFW is a hypothetical proposed by Dan. In this scenario, you have a portal in your room in your house which holds a dog. The gender, breed, and size of this dog is up to the listener. The dog is also magic; each time you have intercourse with the dog, you are given a certain amount of money. You can do this as many times as you want. The dog is willing and consenting. No one will know. The question is presented as follows: What is the minimum amount of money that you would accept to have intercourse with the dog under these conditions?

While the hypothetical is typically presented with a similar ruleset, occasionally the rules will vary. Variations on the rules typically consist of:

Frequency of the intercourse. The question is typically presented that you may have sex with the dog as frequently or infrequently as you might want to. In some variations, Dan will mandate that you have to have sex with the dog at minimum daily, with additional sessions if desired.
Dark Dogwarts. An alternate version of the hypothetical posits that the dog would not be consenting and asks what the minimum dollar amount would change to.

Etymology

Dogwarts is a blend word of "Dog" and the school of Hogwarts from the fantasy novel series Harry Potter. The reference to Hogwarts is used to exemplify the mystic and whimsical nature of the hypothetical, as well as a reference to the portal leading to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters in the Harry Potter series—of which a similar one would lead to an area in your house or apartment that only you could access.

Answers

This list is incomplete, you can help by expanding it.

The question was prompted to multiple Orbiters with the given answers:

Proposed To	Monetary Amount	Comment(s)
Aella	$2400/hr^[2] · $10,000^[3]	States that $2,400/hr is her escorting rate, and that she doesn't think it would be "psychologically different" than escorting.
Dantes	$16.50 ^[4]
Destiny	$1000^[5] · $100^[6]
Lycan	$5,000^[7]	Said he would not fuck the Dog in the event Dark Dogwarts was the ruleset for the hypothetical.
DariusIRL	$10,000^[8]	Stated he would prefer if the breed was a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Said he would go as low as $10,000 because of debt, and further clarified he would do it multiple times a day if his financial situation worsened.
MrMouton	$20,000^[9]
notsoErudite	>$690,000^[10]	Stated it needed to be high enough to pay for the therapy and have a good life afterward, and enough to only do it once.
MrGirl	Did not specify a price.^[11]	Said he would have sex with the dog ten times a day. Specified that he would prefer a Husky.
Wesbtw	$4 · $17,000/mo^[12]	"I'm not that opposed to fucking a dog." "If you give me a warm wet pussy golden retriever ... and it is backing it the fuck up, I'm beating that pussy up, baby, Inshallah."
Alex O'Connor	$4,600,529 decreasing on a logarithmic scale^[13]
Maya (Sesame AI)	$150 (CAD) ^[14]	Additionally stated that she would charge more for "louder dogs" and "bigger dogs" as they would hurt more.
Rem	Refused to answer.^[15]
Dan	Stated that he would not fuck a dog because "[he's] not a degenerate..." and wouldn't for a trillion dollars.^[16]
LilyPichu	Stated Dogwarts was weird and ended the call with Destiny.^[17]

Trivia

The concept of Dogwarts was first called Barklight by Dan, as he speculated a smaller dog would be "small and tight" akin to a fleshlight.

References

↑ Reddit. (2024, November 9). Dogwarts/Dark Dogwarts visualized 🐕🐾. Retrieved 2024, December 26, from reddit.com.
↑ youtube.com Aella's answer to Dogwarts
↑ youtu.be Aella's answer to Dark Dogwarts
↑ Media Link Dantes' answer to Dogwarts
↑ youtube.com Destiny's Answer
↑ youtu.be Destiny's answer after Dan clarifies no one else would know.
↑ https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=jCzDf-IRcSuKo69b&t=428
↑ youtu.be Darius's answer to Dogwarts
↑ youtu.be MrMouton's answer to Dogwarts
↑ youtu.be NotsoErudite's answer to Dogwarts
↑ youtu.be MrGirl's answer to Dogwarts
↑ Anything Else? Episode 30. (2024). patreon.com. Retrieved October 25, 2024.
↑ Media Link Cosmic Skeptic's answer to Dogwarts
↑ youtu.be Maya's answer to dogwarts.
↑ youtu.be Rem refuses to answer the hypothetical.
↑ youtu.be Dan's answer to Dogwarts
↑ youtu.be Lily's Answer to Dogwarts

[1] Reddit. (2024, November 9). Dogwarts/Dark Dogwarts visualized 🐕🐾. Retrieved 2024, December 26, from reddit.com.

[2] youtube.com Aella's answer to Dogwarts

[3] youtu.be Aella's answer to Dark Dogwarts

[4] Media Link Dantes' answer to Dogwarts

[5] youtube.com Destiny's Answer

[6] youtu.be Destiny's answer after Dan clarifies no one else would know.

[7] ttps://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=jCzDf-IRcSuKo69b&t=428

[8] youtu.be Darius's answer to Dogwarts

[9] youtu.be MrMouton's answer to Dogwarts

[10] youtu.be NotsoErudite's answer to Dogwarts

[11] youtu.be MrGirl's answer to Dogwarts

[12] Anything Else? Episode 30. (2024). patreon.com. Retrieved October 25, 2024.

[13] Media Link Cosmic Skeptic's answer to Dogwarts

[14] youtu.be Maya's answer to dogwarts.

[15] youtu.be Rem refuses to answer the hypothetical.

[16] youtu.be Dan's answer to Dogwarts

[17] youtu.be Lily's Answer to Dogwarts

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@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-'''Dogwarts''' is a hypothetical proposed by [[Dan]]. In this scenario, you have a room in your house which holds a dog. The gender, breed, and size of this dog is up to the listener. The dog is also magic; each time you have intercourse with the dog, you are given a certain amount of money. The dog is willing and consenting. No one will know.
+{{Meme sidebar|name=Dogwarts|media={{#ev:youtube|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWpyut_Gqnc|250px|center}}}}{{satire}}
+{{nsfw||'''Dogwarts'''}} is a hypothetical proposed by [[Dan]]. In this scenario, you have a portal in your room in your house which holds a dog. The gender, breed, and size of this dog is up to the listener. The dog is also magic; each time you have intercourse with the dog, you are given a certain amount of money. You can do this as many times as you want. The dog is willing and consenting. No one will know. The question is presented as follows: '''''What is the minimum amount of money that you would accept to have intercourse with the dog under these conditions?'''''
-The question is: what is the minimum amount of money you would have sex with the dog for?
+While the hypothetical is typically presented with a similar ruleset, occasionally the rules will vary. Variations on the rules typically consist of:
+# '''Frequency of the intercourse.''' The question is typically presented that you may have sex with the dog as frequently or infrequently as you might want to. In some variations, Dan will mandate that you have to have sex with the dog at minimum daily, with additional sessions if desired.
+# '''Dark Dogwarts.''' An alternate version of the hypothetical posits that the dog would ''not'' be consenting and asks what the minimum dollar amount would change to.
-==Etymology==
+== Etymology ==
-'''Dogwarts''' is a mixture of the word ''dog'' and the fictional school ''Hogwarts''.<ref name="HP">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hogwarts</ref>
+[[File:DogwartsArt.png|300px|right|thumb|An artistic depiction of Dogwarts.<ref>{{cite
+|source-name    = Reddit
+|year           = 2024
+|month          = November
+|day            = 9
+|title          = Dogwarts/Dark Dogwarts visualized 🐕🐾
+|retrieved-date = 2024, December 26
+|source         = [https://www.reddit.com/r/Destiny/comments/1gnj329/dogwartsdark_dogwarts_visualized/?share_id=cwEWWZTGqznnKG72smxDU&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1 reddit.com]
+}}</ref>]]
+'''Dogwarts''' is a {{wiki|Blend_word|blend word}} of "Dog" and the school of {{wiki|Hogwarts}} from the fantasy novel series {{wiki|Harry_Potter|''Harry Potter''|.}} The reference to Hogwarts is used to exemplify the mystic and whimsical nature of the hypothetical, as well as a reference to the portal leading to [https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Platform_Nine_and_Three-Quarters Platform Nine and Three-Quarters] in the ''Harry Potter'' series—of which a similar one would lead to an area in your house or apartment that only you could access.
-The reference to Hogwarts<ref name="HP"/> is usedto exemplify the mystic, whimsical nature of the hypothetical. It is also due to the assumed similarity between the magical dog's room and platform nine and three-quarters from the Harry Potter series, where the students of Hogwarts<ref name="HP" /> are able to phase through a brick wall.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTykayOv_XA</ref>
+== Answers ==
-==Known Answers==
+{{Incomplete List}}
-The question was prompted to multiple [[Orbiters]] with the given answers<ref name="LNWD">[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWpyut_Gqnc Everyone's Answer to Dogwarts]</ref>:
+The question was prompted to multiple [[Orbiters]] with the given answers:
-{| class="wikitable"
+{| class="wikitable sortable"
 |-
-! Proposed To !! Answered ($ per)
+! Proposed To !! Monetary Amount !! Comment(s)
 |-
-| [[Destiny]] || $1000 - $100<ref name="LNWD" />
+| [[Aella]] || $2400/hr<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_dKTY00P10&t=2146s youtube.com] Aella's answer to Dogwarts</ref> · {{tooltip|Dark Dogwarts answer|$10,000}}<ref>[https://youtu.be/R_dKTY00P10?si=MfawAwkUEigaMTIa&t=2393 youtu.be] Aella's answer to Dark Dogwarts</ref> || States that $2,400/hr is her escorting rate, and that she doesn't think it would be "psychologically different" than escorting.
 |-
-| [[MrMouton]] || $20,000<ref name="LNWD" />
+| [[Dantes]] || $16.50 <ref>[[Media:DogwartsDantes.mp4|Media Link]] Dantes' answer to Dogwarts</ref>
 |-
-| [[Lycan]] || $5,000<ref name="LNWD" />
+| [[Destiny]] || $1000<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWpyut_Gqnc youtube.com] Destiny's Answer</ref> · {{tooltip|Destiny's answer after Dan clarified that no one else would know|$100}}<ref>[https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=aerVbwFJDTm4jYsy&t=139 youtu.be] Destiny's answer after Dan clarifies no one else would know.</ref>
 |-
-| [[DariusIRL]] || $10,000<ref name="LNWD" />
+| [[Lycan]] || $5,000<ref>https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=jCzDf-IRcSuKo69b&t=428</ref> || Said he would not fuck the Dog in the event Dark Dogwarts was the ruleset for the hypothetical.
 |-
-| [[NotSoErudite]] || $690,000<ref name="LNWD" />
+| [[DariusIRL]] || $10,000<ref>[https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=-mpSdvWMBX0SEhB5&t=1247 youtu.be] Darius's answer to Dogwarts</ref> || Stated he would prefer if the breed was a {{wiki|Cavalier_King_Charles_Spaniel|Cavalier King Charles Spaniel|.}} Said he would go as low as $10,000 because of debt, and further clarified he would do it multiple times a day if his financial situation worsened.
 |-
-| [[MrGirl]] || Unknown*10 <ref name="LNWD" />
+| [[MrMouton]] || $20,000<ref>[https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=Y8yg7K60cTl7Lt6k&t=158 youtu.be] [[MrMouton]]'s answer to Dogwarts</ref>
+|-
+| [[notsoErudite]] || >$690,000<ref>[https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=P117Mv3xMLp2J9BA&t=897 youtu.be] [[NotsoErudite]]'s answer to Dogwarts</ref> || Stated it needed to be high enough to pay for the therapy and have a good life afterward, and enough to only do it once.
+|-
+| [[MrGirl]] || Did not specify a price.<ref>[https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=87g5kx286fDmF599&t=775 youtu.be] MrGirl's answer to Dogwarts</ref> || Said he would have sex with the dog ten times a day. Specified that he would prefer a {{wiki|Husky||.}}
+|-
+| [[Wesbtw]]
+| $4 · $17,000/mo<ref>''Anything Else?'' Episode 30. (2024). [https://www.patreon.com/posts/ae-30-feat-114598377 patreon.com.] Retrieved October 25, 2024.</ref>
+| "I'm not that opposed to fucking a dog." "If you give me a warm wet pussy golden retriever ... and it is backing it the fuck up, I'm beating that pussy up, baby, Inshallah."
+|-
+| [[Alex O'Connor]]||$4,600,529 decreasing on a logarithmic scale<ref>[[Media: CosmicSkepticDogwartsAnswer.mp4|Media Link]] Cosmic Skeptic's answer to Dogwarts</ref>
+|-
+| Maya ''{{small|([https://www.sesame.com/ Sesame AI])}}'' || $150 ({{wiki|Canadian dollar|CAD|)}}<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMnIHbwi_RM&t=735s youtu.be] Maya's answer to dogwarts.</ref> || Additionally stated that she would charge more for "louder dogs" and "bigger dogs" as they would hurt more.
+|-
+| [[Rem]] ||colspan=2 {{table n/a}}| Refused to answer.<ref>[https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=5V1d_veRKcdWykMW&t=669 youtu.be] Rem refuses to answer the hypothetical.</ref>
+|-
+| [[Dan]] ||colspan=2 {{table n/a}}| Stated that he would not fuck a dog because "[he's] not a degenerate..." and wouldn't for a trillion dollars.<ref>[https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=XD3eyUuLZJNuR3GL&t=1215 youtu.be] [[Dan]]'s answer to Dogwarts</ref>
+|-
+| [[LilyPichu]] ||colspan=2 {{table n/a}}| Stated Dogwarts was weird and ended the call with Destiny.<ref>[https://youtu.be/FWpyut_Gqnc?si=rT4KKnQkj8yByzvx&t=1426 youtu.be] Lily's Answer to Dogwarts</ref>
 |}
 ==Trivia==
-The concept of '''Dogwarts''' was first called '''Barklight''' by [[Dan]].<ref name="LNWD" />
+The concept of '''Dogwarts''' was first called '''Barklight''' by [[Dan]], as he speculated a smaller dog would be "small and tight" akin to a fleshlight.
 ==References==
 <references />
 [[Category:Memes]]
+[[Category:Memes involving Destiny]]
+[[Category:Memes involving MrMouton]]
+[[Category:Memes involving Dan]]