Jewlumni

This article is satirical and should be viewed as such. It's contents should not be taken as fact.

The Jewlumni
A rare accession ceremony in which Bibi hands Destiny an award for combatting misinformation.
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The Jewlumni (also sometimes mistakenly called the Jewlluminati) is a highly secret, Zionist social network run by the Mossad (not to be confused with the Dossad) and the State of Israel. The name is a portmanteau of "Jew" and "Alumni". It is a collection of the most powerful and prominent Jewish figures in the world. [[File:Jewlumni explanation.mp4|thumb|left|320px|Destiny explains the Jewlumni. According to Destiny, they communicate over the social app for gamers—Discord —on a server known as the "New Yishuv". It was also likened to Andrew Tate's War Room by Destiny.

In 2023, Destiny began his induction into the Jewlumni through the spurious consumption of Wikipedia articles provided by his handlers benefactors, who he claims have provided around 30,000 Israeli New Shekels (around $8,200 USD at the time of writing) for learning about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict after the outbreak of the Israel-Hamas war. Prior to this, he first appeared on the Jewlumni radar when canvassing for Jon Ossoff.

Notable Members

[[File:Jewlumni rewards.jpg|thumb|right|Leaked document containing the rewards for the Jewlumni. There are rumors that this is only the entry-level reward system, and that the next tier contains other access to people like Gal Gadot, as well as a phone number to the president of AIPAC. ]] Notable members include:

• Benjamin Netanyahu
• Gal Godot
• Bernie Sanders
• Ben Shapiro
• Jeremy Boreing
• Dan
• Lex Fridman
• Benny Morris
• Jon Ossoff
• Dave Rubin

Newer Members

The Jewlumni are often reluctant to initiate new members, as typically membership is only obtained by birthright. However, on rare occasions when a promising pupil presents themselves, they may make an exception.

• Destiny
• WhickTV
• LonerBox

Former members

Not all Jewlumni retain membership for life. In fact, many renounce the order and set off for greener pastures.

• Norman Finkelstein
• Playing With Fire

Public Reaction

On X (formerly known as Twitter), Palestinians activists, Far-left commentators, and Far-right figures were quick to call out Destiny for his public announcement of admission into the Jewlumni as Destiny being antisemitic, jokingly antisemitic, or the callout tweets themselves would be antisemitic.

Niko House

	🇵🇸 #FreePalestine #FreeGaza 🇵🇸 @realnikohouse
Destiny blatantly admits on his stream that he’s being paid (in one case 30,000 shekels) to spew pro Israel propaganda. Everything this grifter has said about Israel/Palestine since Oct 7 (the day he started paying attention) has been for revenue. Color me shocked 🙄 HOT SPOT @HotSpotHotSpot Totally not a grifter https://twitter.com/i/status/1772318882797134305 12:45 PM · Mar 25, 2024
Last edited 2:52 PM · Mar 25, 2024

Peter Coffin

	Peter Coffin @petercoffin
People like myself get called a grifter while people who literally go on their stream and admit that they take money and the result is the things that they say. FUCKING SILLY.
2:43 PM · Mar 25, 2024

Mr. Girl's #1 Fanboy

	RealSmeth @realsmeth
Destiny is irresponsible with his platform. Spreading antisemitic conspiracy theories to bait people into calling him out, just to smear them for it; ensuring that people will be afraid to call him out in the future. “Jokes on you, I was just pretending to be antisemitic.”
Last edited 8:02 AM · Mar 26, 2024